'Gorean' Society

The vast, vast majority of Goreans suck.

I mean it. A huge number of them are pretentious, snobbish, disrespectful, abusive 'one-true-way'ers who can smile sweetly while reaching inside, ripping your heart out and eating it beating. And I'm talking about free and slave alike. There's a limited number of Gorean groups on FetLife (if you don't know it, and are kinky, go check it out), and I just left one because of the above behaviour. It dominates the online forums and chat rooms which I frequent, and searching for the gems among the grit is hard work. But they are there.

Gor attracts an unfortunately higher percentage of abusers because of the way the wider society is structured. If you can quote it from the books, then pretty much, save for actually killing people, anything goes. The problem is Norman appears to contradict himself frequently on a wide range of topics that are fundamental to Gorean philosophy. You really have to read and absorb every single word to get the whole picture. Yes, slaves were regarded as animals, rightless, open to all sorts of abuse and carelessness, and yes, even death. But slaves were not expendable. Despite the focus of the books on slavery, slaves were actually quite rare on Gor (this is mentioned several times, though you wouldn't be able to tell from everything else that was written), there was a much higher ratio of masters to slaves on Gor, so they were viewed as rare and valuable. Men would fight over them. Some men would have chains of pretty slaves simply as a status symbol, like driving a Porsche, even if they didn't do anything more with them than show them off in public.

Yet frequently through the books there is mention of love slaves. They are never killed, though they may be sold because of anger or such. They have the highest demands set on them, but are also loved, and cared for. Abusive Masters aren't looking for their love slave though, they're just after fresh punching bags, or someone to satisfy their selfish wants. Unfortunately Gor also has plenty of girls who would take it, out of desperation, or just because they didn't know any better.

Then of course there are those who have read all the books, who have set up their own websites, have gathered all the quotes they want, and proclaim themselves Twoo Masters of the Gorean way. Disagree with them, and you are not Gorean, no matter the supporting quotes you dig up or the impact it can have on life here on Earth. I've found that slaves are the worst offenders in this regard.

Yet the real, beating, life-giving heart of Gorean society is something completely different. Here, slavery is built on love, devotion, and trust, on both sides. A slave may have to jump when told and do just as the Master says, but as his most precious and cherished possession she is never injured, and is cared for meticulously, well beyond the level of a favoured pet as mentioned in the books. These are the love slaves and their Masters, a slavery which is quoted as being far more strict and exacting, a much harsher slavery than any other. Yet here is love, and with love, the weight of a collar, no matter how heavy, becomes nothing at all.

This is the life I hope to one day be a part of, rather than glimpsing it at a distance.

I Broke My Fantasy Muscle

You know what's worse than not feeling like masturbating?

Masturbating for two hours and not getting anywhere.

It must say something about my psyche that, even in my fantasies, when I'm desperately trying to get off, my fantasy Master often gets angry and abusive and my mood fizzles out. Says something certainly, but nothing good. Now they're even becoming disinterested.

How's that for depressing.

I need to start reading more erotica.

But hey, I'm posting more.

Take A Look In The Mirror

It is incredibly important for people to know themselves, really know themselves. Its even more important for this to be the case in BDSM, because if they don't, its not just stressful, or maybe hurtful, its dangerous.

I try to do a measure of soul-searching frequently. Before every play I pause and look, just to be absolutely sure I am comfortable. For a sub to not be comfortable can lead to an awkward situation at best, and broken hearts and damaged mindsets at worst. For a dom though? He can murmur all the sweet nothings he likes, but if they aren't aware of what they are doing and why, they can carve deep wounds in flesh and spirit that never heal.

Just because I give my consent for one aspect of play, it should never be assumed that I give consent for another that a dom just happens to be used to incorporating into all their play, or which they like and are unwilling to give up or put on pause for any reason. I am quite vocal about my low pain tolerance and sensitivity, and to have that ignored, brushed aside, or blatantly disregarded, is hurtful on so many levels.

One Master I was slave to in Gor rp was particularly good at that. No one should ever belittle the psychological pain of a cyber whipping, and he beat me often, for as little a reason as looking in the wrong direction. Despite denying that he was a sadist, frequently and vehemently, he most definitely enjoyed inflicting pain on me. *pain* Oh no, of course I'm not a sadist *pain* You need this, you know *pain pain* I do it just for discipline *pain pain pain* You brought this on yourself of course *PAIN* Even though it was maybe just a tiny mistake, I was just looking for an excuse to 'bring you back in line' *PAIN*

Never, ever again.

I have been hurt quite often enough because the doms I associated with were just not honest, with themselves or anyone else. If I catch so much as a whiff of the same behaviour now, I run, far and fast, and do not look back.

Round and Round the Merry-Go-Round

I've had a go at starting a few posts in the past couple of weeks, but they've not been finished. Perhaps later I will finish them, but not now, since they are filled with the depression and self-doubt I've been feeling lately. (Also the reason why no HNT last week, and iffy about this week right now.)

I am considered a needy slave. In that I need a measure of stability, affection, care and time. Apparently this is demanding. And don't even think of saying that they're pushing too hard or are doing something abusive, because then you're being bratty and whiny.

Bah, jerks.

On a slightly lighter note, I went to a shibari party hosted by a couple of new friends on Sunday. Despite being in the scene a few years this was something new for me. I'd been to play parties before, but not specfically a shibari party.

Despite arriving late, I, Dee and Kiana were the first ones there. Velvet Steel, the hosting dom, has a most impressive 'black room', with a dresser and wardrobe full of toys and kinky books and a bed with more eyehooks and hardpoints than I've ever seen in a single room.

Things were a bit slow to start up, probably because he was the only dom with four subs around. It was some time before any others showed up, and by then he had tied and/or fondled all the others save me, and he seemed disinclined to do so. It did a real number on my ego and hurt far more than it really should have. Yet when he did eventually turn the rope on me I was not pleased. My wrists still hurt. He might claim to like pain just to see us squirm, but he's fooling himself, and I doubt I'll let him touch me again.

Kiana did a very artsy chest harness on me, which I hope to get photos of soon. She's very neat with her ropework, which despite her being sub will serve her well when she gets into kinky photography (its blogged now Kiana, you have to do it!).

Another dom there (whom I have yet to think of a nickname for) tied me wrists to ankles, secured at either end of a spreader bar. He had a lot of fun with me trussed up like that, and so did I, despite having to safeword out once when he hit me waaaay too hard (everyone over-estimates my pain tolerance). I hope I get to play with him again!

And I'm already craving rope and chains and submission again. Woe.

From Gor: The Concept of Beauty

Though I love Gor, it is unfortunately greatly misunderstood in the larger BDSM community. I get some very strange looks when I mention it at club munches or on BDSM themed sites. I think the vast majority have no clue what it is really about and are influenced by only a few misguided fanatics, just like the greater society is influenced by the misguided fanatics among BDSM. I could rant for pages and pages on the concepts and principles that real life Goreans follow and my own interpretation of such (and likely will at later dates), but tonight I wish to focus just on the Gorean concept of beauty.

While Norman writes essays and essays within the books on how natural selection would create a healthy and vital population free of unattractive features and debilitating genetic problems, this is not so. He immediately contradicts himself by including fat people, short weedy people, ugly or plain people, people with deformities even, who are all valued in Gor for what they can do and the honour they show. Despite all his ranting and the great emphasis on beauty the novels have at times, in the end it doesn't matter what a person looks like.

There are quotable accounts described in the books of women becoming more beautiful when they accept that they are a slave and eventually start to act to attract the attention of men, of women that despite being less beautiful than some by the accepted standards are more desirable because of their personality and fire. A woman will look with adoration upon her Master or mate because as a free man of Gor they hold honour above all else and will stand to protect his family and his home without question. A man who acts with courage and fairness is admired more than most warriors, and even a slave may gain a measure of respect, though in law she deserves none.

While there are some who take the books at face value and support just the oft repeated views stated in the essays without looking at the stories as a whole, I don't. I think that they show that people become beautiful when they accept what is inside them, and show strength of character and beauty of the spirit beyond physical appearance. I wish that such was encouraged more in the world today. Maybe then I wouldn't hide so much.