Round and Round the Merry-Go-Round

I've had a go at starting a few posts in the past couple of weeks, but they've not been finished. Perhaps later I will finish them, but not now, since they are filled with the depression and self-doubt I've been feeling lately. (Also the reason why no HNT last week, and iffy about this week right now.)

I am considered a needy slave. In that I need a measure of stability, affection, care and time. Apparently this is demanding. And don't even think of saying that they're pushing too hard or are doing something abusive, because then you're being bratty and whiny.

Bah, jerks.

On a slightly lighter note, I went to a shibari party hosted by a couple of new friends on Sunday. Despite being in the scene a few years this was something new for me. I'd been to play parties before, but not specfically a shibari party.

Despite arriving late, I, Dee and Kiana were the first ones there. Velvet Steel, the hosting dom, has a most impressive 'black room', with a dresser and wardrobe full of toys and kinky books and a bed with more eyehooks and hardpoints than I've ever seen in a single room.

Things were a bit slow to start up, probably because he was the only dom with four subs around. It was some time before any others showed up, and by then he had tied and/or fondled all the others save me, and he seemed disinclined to do so. It did a real number on my ego and hurt far more than it really should have. Yet when he did eventually turn the rope on me I was not pleased. My wrists still hurt. He might claim to like pain just to see us squirm, but he's fooling himself, and I doubt I'll let him touch me again.

Kiana did a very artsy chest harness on me, which I hope to get photos of soon. She's very neat with her ropework, which despite her being sub will serve her well when she gets into kinky photography (its blogged now Kiana, you have to do it!).

Another dom there (whom I have yet to think of a nickname for) tied me wrists to ankles, secured at either end of a spreader bar. He had a lot of fun with me trussed up like that, and so did I, despite having to safeword out once when he hit me waaaay too hard (everyone over-estimates my pain tolerance). I hope I get to play with him again!

And I'm already craving rope and chains and submission again. Woe.