I have a New Master

I had lunch with the Gorean Master from the party last week on saturday, to sort out my own head and talk with him. Lunch went on for a while, and afterwards neither of us seemed particularly keen to go anywhere so we wandered around downtown for a bit. In fact, neither of us really wanted to leave each other's company, so, we didn't.

He drove me home - with my hands cuffed behind me - and I went to fetch what I needed for the rest of the day. Shortly after heading out he pulled over and had me lie down on the back seat, where he cuffed me again, blindfolded me and bound my ankles. I'd just been 'abducted'.

It was a long drive back to his place. I didn't even know where the heck we were going, though I could tell when we got on the motorway. It was a very sublime experience, lying tied in the backseat with no visual reference, with him murmuring things to me to keep me in the headspace (like I wasn't there already) and occasionally reaching back to fondle me. Most definitely thrilling.

Once at his place he unbound my ankles but left me blindfolded and handcuffed as he lead me inside and up to the living room, where I knelt on the rug while he straightened things up and got changed. It was certainly something to have him take off the blindfold and be confronted with him decked out all in viking gear, complete with drinking horn (a Torvaldslander, perhaps?) and also didn't give me much time to process the rest of the room before he drew the blade at his hip, pressed it to my throat and gave me the traditional Gorean option of servitude or death. I could tell the knife was blunt but damn what a head rush. You know which one I picked, and I drank from his horn.

He stood me up and switched my cuffs for a sirik. I still hadn't had time to even process the room we were in, the world might as well have been just us. Interesting mind trick. He stood me on his shield and sliced my clothes off me (prearranged, so at least I wasn't losing anything I didn't know would be lost!) and had himself a little 'auction' to ritualistically buy me. Gor is full of rituals, but this was the first time I'd ever really experienced any of them. All Gorean slaves are sold naked. I was frightened, my tension showed it, and it wasn't lost on him. We might have played before and I trusted him, but I still had no real idea what he wanted of me (as a matter of fact, I still don't).

I couldn't exactly say the rest of the day was 'languid', but it wasn't as fast-paced as a BDSM scene. Unfortunately I tend to remember the bad bits more clearly than the good bits. I spent a time in the kitchen doing his dishes, and he spanked me with the wooden spoon I had neglected, which left me blubbering like a baby for a good while. My ass was still tingling from it when I woke up the next day, and it actually left faint bruises. He tested out several of his floggers on me through the day, pushing past my pain threshold with each but thankfully not far, and he also got out a hitachi vibrator twice and left me a puddle of orgasmic mush. The second time was with some painfully tight nipple clamps in place, and he took them off with vibrator in place. The pain was enough that it actually denied me orgasm despite being on the brink.

One ritual that I had been hoping would be neglected was the initiatory whipping. Well, it wasn't neglected, not in the slightest. He took me down to his dungeon and had me straddle a horizontal, padded pole, chaining my wrists and fitting a spreader bar. He had quite an impressive array to use on me, but the first he brought out was my tiny little red suede flogger. I will never, ever underestimate that little thing ever again because he made it bloody HURT! They all bloody hurt, I was crying through most of it, though he gave me time to recover and he told me later that he was only using a fraction of his full strength. He spent a fair bit of time comforting me, and then took me home. It had gone past ten and we hadn't even stopped for dinner.

The first day for a slave is hardly typical. I don't think I could stay with him if he pushed me as hard as he did that day on a regular basis. I guess I won't really find out until our next day together.

He's picked out a slave name for me, but I don't get to hear it until the next time we're together. He's also sending me some fabric to make up some slave garments with. I probably haven't represented events completely clearly here, like I said I frequently remember the bad clearer than the good, but I do remember that it felt right, and I can't wait to see where it goes. For the first time in months I feel truly sexual and sensual again, the barriers are dropping, and I am finally free again to grow.

Gorean-space

Out of the blue on saturday I got an invite for a play party that night. I wasn't even sure if I was going to go, it was already getting late by the time I saw the email. I did though, and I'm glad I did. The guy who invited me gave me a lift, and on the way there I found out he is in fact a Gorean Master.

Shock, wonder. A Gorean Master, a single Gorean Master, a local single Gorean Master. Maybe there's still hope for me here after all. If it weren't for his age I would definitely try things with him, but he must be at least twice my age, so I don't know ...

The party itself was well underway by the time we arrived. There were the remains of a barbeque, and a huge chocolate cake for later (as it was the host's birthday party). There were several rooms set up for play, with signs everywhere that this was a very kinky household. I'm going to have to get tips when I'm creating my own hardware.

I didn't really have any intention of playing, just to go with the flow. I'd been missing my rope though, so during dessert I changed into my tight, short (very short) black dress and pulled out the rope with the idea to challenge the doms present to tie me so I couldn't wiggle free.

I didn't get very far with that plan though. The Gorean wound the rope about my waist and led me to one of the play rooms. He took me by the hair, set me on my knees and cuffed my hands behind me. Instant subspace. To an observer it probably wouldn't have looked like he was doing much as he continued, but he manipulated me so well. I was trembling almost the entire time.

He had this neat device, a serving tray that could be strapped on so it could be carried with my hands still cuffed behind me. It was almost too big to be secured about my waist, but he put it on over the ropework, and took me out to the living room where most of the guests were. I am glad for the mirror that was on the wall so I could see him through most of the room as he added first his drink, then mine to the tray. If I hadn't been so spaced I think I would have felt rather foolish, it wasn't exactly an elegant piece of equipment ... I feel rather foolish remembering now.


He took me back to the play room, took off the tray and undid the ropework. Then he had me kiss his boots. It's not something I have done before, nor something I had even thought of as appealing, but hey, he had nice clean boots, and I didn't hesitate. The smell of the leather, kneeling small at his feet, it is as intoxicating as I had imagined. I ended up stopping the kissing fairly quickly and just lay there, breathing the scent of the leather and basking. He unhooked the cuffs and brought my wrists up to cross before me, my head lifting but still bowed, kneeling with my thighs spread. He asked if I knew this position.

Oh like anyone even vaguely familiar with Gor could not know it. He put me in the position of submission. Did this mean he really wanted me for his own? Could I live up to his expectations? Did I want to? It was too much for me, and sent me into subdrop.

I'd avoided doing any serious play for this reason, because I knew it would end in a crash. I've been aching for it for so long, but I'm still scared. Scared of being hurt again, of failing, of falling in love when it could never be permanent. I want my next relationship to be one that can last, but am I just setting myself up to be lonely for a very, very long time?


I am still thinking things over and don't really know what I am going to do, but despite the fact that the little period of submission had been a complete surprise and not negotiated in the slightest, I don't regret it. He stayed with me through the drop and made sure I was okay, the scene reminded me just how wonderful Gor and submission could be, and it's brought my sex drive back to life. Oh has it ever, I've been daydreaming ever since.

'Gorean' Society

The vast, vast majority of Goreans suck.

I mean it. A huge number of them are pretentious, snobbish, disrespectful, abusive 'one-true-way'ers who can smile sweetly while reaching inside, ripping your heart out and eating it beating. And I'm talking about free and slave alike. There's a limited number of Gorean groups on FetLife (if you don't know it, and are kinky, go check it out), and I just left one because of the above behaviour. It dominates the online forums and chat rooms which I frequent, and searching for the gems among the grit is hard work. But they are there.

Gor attracts an unfortunately higher percentage of abusers because of the way the wider society is structured. If you can quote it from the books, then pretty much, save for actually killing people, anything goes. The problem is Norman appears to contradict himself frequently on a wide range of topics that are fundamental to Gorean philosophy. You really have to read and absorb every single word to get the whole picture. Yes, slaves were regarded as animals, rightless, open to all sorts of abuse and carelessness, and yes, even death. But slaves were not expendable. Despite the focus of the books on slavery, slaves were actually quite rare on Gor (this is mentioned several times, though you wouldn't be able to tell from everything else that was written), there was a much higher ratio of masters to slaves on Gor, so they were viewed as rare and valuable. Men would fight over them. Some men would have chains of pretty slaves simply as a status symbol, like driving a Porsche, even if they didn't do anything more with them than show them off in public.

Yet frequently through the books there is mention of love slaves. They are never killed, though they may be sold because of anger or such. They have the highest demands set on them, but are also loved, and cared for. Abusive Masters aren't looking for their love slave though, they're just after fresh punching bags, or someone to satisfy their selfish wants. Unfortunately Gor also has plenty of girls who would take it, out of desperation, or just because they didn't know any better.

Then of course there are those who have read all the books, who have set up their own websites, have gathered all the quotes they want, and proclaim themselves Twoo Masters of the Gorean way. Disagree with them, and you are not Gorean, no matter the supporting quotes you dig up or the impact it can have on life here on Earth. I've found that slaves are the worst offenders in this regard.

Yet the real, beating, life-giving heart of Gorean society is something completely different. Here, slavery is built on love, devotion, and trust, on both sides. A slave may have to jump when told and do just as the Master says, but as his most precious and cherished possession she is never injured, and is cared for meticulously, well beyond the level of a favoured pet as mentioned in the books. These are the love slaves and their Masters, a slavery which is quoted as being far more strict and exacting, a much harsher slavery than any other. Yet here is love, and with love, the weight of a collar, no matter how heavy, becomes nothing at all.

This is the life I hope to one day be a part of, rather than glimpsing it at a distance.

From Gor: The Concept of Beauty

Though I love Gor, it is unfortunately greatly misunderstood in the larger BDSM community. I get some very strange looks when I mention it at club munches or on BDSM themed sites. I think the vast majority have no clue what it is really about and are influenced by only a few misguided fanatics, just like the greater society is influenced by the misguided fanatics among BDSM. I could rant for pages and pages on the concepts and principles that real life Goreans follow and my own interpretation of such (and likely will at later dates), but tonight I wish to focus just on the Gorean concept of beauty.

While Norman writes essays and essays within the books on how natural selection would create a healthy and vital population free of unattractive features and debilitating genetic problems, this is not so. He immediately contradicts himself by including fat people, short weedy people, ugly or plain people, people with deformities even, who are all valued in Gor for what they can do and the honour they show. Despite all his ranting and the great emphasis on beauty the novels have at times, in the end it doesn't matter what a person looks like.

There are quotable accounts described in the books of women becoming more beautiful when they accept that they are a slave and eventually start to act to attract the attention of men, of women that despite being less beautiful than some by the accepted standards are more desirable because of their personality and fire. A woman will look with adoration upon her Master or mate because as a free man of Gor they hold honour above all else and will stand to protect his family and his home without question. A man who acts with courage and fairness is admired more than most warriors, and even a slave may gain a measure of respect, though in law she deserves none.

While there are some who take the books at face value and support just the oft repeated views stated in the essays without looking at the stories as a whole, I don't. I think that they show that people become beautiful when they accept what is inside them, and show strength of character and beauty of the spirit beyond physical appearance. I wish that such was encouraged more in the world today. Maybe then I wouldn't hide so much.

I am Woman

While I was thinking of things to write for my next post, a thought entered my head that threw me so much it brought up a whole new topic to discuss and I completely forgot what my original idea was. It went like this: "(blah blah blah) really satisfies me as a person."

I don't expect many, if any, people to understand what I find wrong about this thought. Have a think about it anyway before reading on.


I'm heavily influenced by Gorean philosophy. One of the big ideas put forward in the Gorean books is that the society of Earth has become choked, frustrated and stagnated sexually. The sexes have been merged into one genderless blob, rather than having our uniqueness acknowledged and celebrated. We are no longer man and woman, but 'people', the same, equal. (Granted this was written some time ago and deals purely in male/female poles, but by no means should anything in between or converts be ignored. If I end up slipping into the male and female poles its not to be leaving the rest out.)

My thought should have read "(blah blah blah) really satisfies me as a woman."

If I had been thinking of something mediocre or general, that is experienced pretty much the same by both genders, I doubt I would have even noticed that I had put 'person' instead of 'woman'. But I wasn't, I was thinking about sex. Based on your own physical gender and the gender of your partner, sex is experienced differently. Penetrative sex is an experience unique to man and woman. While gay couples might have penetrative sex, its in a different way and is a different experience, simply because of how we're built and how we're wired. Lesbian couples its different again. Even with a sex change, you're still you, genetically and psychologically.

So what really got me thinking is: why was I thinking in generic, sexless terms when expressing something that is so intrinsically linked to gender and sexual identity?

Despite knowing what sex was from quite a young age (its rather hard to ignore when you have a variety of birds and other pets doing it in your backyard) my sexuality was heavily repressed, at home and at school. I don't mean in the development of it though. My mother had gay friends and we were brought up to see them as no different than straights. There was a cross-dresser among the committees she was part of who was 'kind of weird' because he just liked to dress up and identify and didn't want a sex change. I'm glad that I didn't find out she was anti-bisexual until after I had figured out I was quite straight. Kind of mixed signals, but not repressive. What was repressive was in the expressing of it.

We were kind of a skin friendly household only up until the first of us started going to school. Sex was not discussed beyond 'this is birth control', 'this is where babies come from' and 'this guy likes guys instead of girls and that's okay'. A good foundation but not really expressive.

What I would really like to see is the ingrained sexiness of men and women celebrated. And I don't mean flooding our media with more images of sex and what sexiness and sexuality is, I mean learning that we are what we are, and that it is not only acceptable, but should be exciting and liberating. Our deepest darkest urges should not be so deep nor dark, we should not have to hide who we are and what turns us on. I think the truly vanilla would be shocked at how many kinky people would arise, and the supressed kinksters shocked as well. I could certainly do with a bit more choice among kinky partners.

So, yes. I am woman. I am sensual, sexual, and oh so kinky.