Take A Look In The Mirror

It is incredibly important for people to know themselves, really know themselves. Its even more important for this to be the case in BDSM, because if they don't, its not just stressful, or maybe hurtful, its dangerous.

I try to do a measure of soul-searching frequently. Before every play I pause and look, just to be absolutely sure I am comfortable. For a sub to not be comfortable can lead to an awkward situation at best, and broken hearts and damaged mindsets at worst. For a dom though? He can murmur all the sweet nothings he likes, but if they aren't aware of what they are doing and why, they can carve deep wounds in flesh and spirit that never heal.

Just because I give my consent for one aspect of play, it should never be assumed that I give consent for another that a dom just happens to be used to incorporating into all their play, or which they like and are unwilling to give up or put on pause for any reason. I am quite vocal about my low pain tolerance and sensitivity, and to have that ignored, brushed aside, or blatantly disregarded, is hurtful on so many levels.

One Master I was slave to in Gor rp was particularly good at that. No one should ever belittle the psychological pain of a cyber whipping, and he beat me often, for as little a reason as looking in the wrong direction. Despite denying that he was a sadist, frequently and vehemently, he most definitely enjoyed inflicting pain on me. *pain* Oh no, of course I'm not a sadist *pain* You need this, you know *pain pain* I do it just for discipline *pain pain pain* You brought this on yourself of course *PAIN* Even though it was maybe just a tiny mistake, I was just looking for an excuse to 'bring you back in line' *PAIN*

Never, ever again.

I have been hurt quite often enough because the doms I associated with were just not honest, with themselves or anyone else. If I catch so much as a whiff of the same behaviour now, I run, far and fast, and do not look back.

'Never without my permission'

I know there are some that, given that I'm into BDSM and particularly Gor, would look at me rather oddly when I say how important consent is. Just because I like to give up control, doesn't mean I'll do it for just anyone, or that anyone can take it from me.

So I am particularly disturbed when I hear about cases of non-consensual slavery and BDSM. Its not a game that you can play with just anyone, or drag people into without thought or against their will, because the consequences can be grave.

A few nights ago there was a documentary on about such a case, a woman in the states being kept for years, with her captor taking cues and inspiration from several sources I'm familiar with. I felt compelled to watch because, hey, my chosen lifestyle inspired this wacko, and I can't help but wonder what would have happened if there had been no scene to draw inspiration from. Luckily someone else in the house just turned it off.

You can't even say that there is a fine line with such play. You either want it, or you don't, and I've had enough experience of the latter to be able to say that with certainty. I just find it so sad that there's far too much abuse in the name of play happening, and wish strength to those who need to escape.

Bonus points to whoever knows where the title quote comes from.