Better to have loved and lost ...

I have shed yet more tears in mourning for that which never was and never can be. The one I have been pining after for two years was married earlier this week.

It wasn't the great heart-rending discovery that it might have been, but it was still a kick in the guts. I have been trying to purge him from my heart and my mind for nearly a year, and still hardly a day goes by that I do not think of him. He is one that lives his life without fear, and now that is a lesson that I will never learn from him. And I have never been more terrified. Is it even possible for another to exist who can inflame me the way he did?

I've been given a reminder of what passion feels like - lips on my breast, hands carressing about my waist, over my ass. It's well past time that I re-entered the social BDSM scene. I'm just not sure I remember how.

Oh there's a breadcrumb trail for him to find to this blog, but I am certain that he will never follow. He was never even vaguely interested. I just wish he'd just come out and said that at the start.